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The Unique Needs of Widowers

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 10:12:40 GMT

While women and men both feel grief over the loss of a spouse, widowers often have a unique set of needs. This typically stems from the fact that while a woman may have many friends she can lean on following the loss of a spouse, a man may have lost his best friend and closest companion all at once.

Perhaps the saying “Women mourn – men replace” has its roots in intense loneliness caused by a lack of previously established close friendships. It has been frequently asked whether a widower would be as driven to hurriedly replace his wife and best friend if he had someone with whom he could share his grief.

Men face unique problems as widowers. Many of their everyday needs were probably provided by a wife. Because they are not as likely to be able to take care of themselves as widows, their health and well-being can be severely affected.

Widowers may be immersed in feelings they never knew existed and may exhibit painful physical and psychological symptoms. Because women are more frequently the primary caregiver to children, men may face changes in their relationship with their children, resulting in feelings of isolation.

Because of their unique needs, widowers, particularly those who lack close friends and family with whom they can talk about their loss and grief, are urged to attend support group meetings or find a counselor with whom they can share their feelings.

What is a Mausoleum?

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 10:08:49 GMT

There are a number of alternatives to traditional burial in the ground. One common option is to be placed in a mausoleum. A mausoleum is a building specially designed to house the dead; it may be constructed specifically for a single person, or it may be intended to house the remains of multiple people.

This isn’t a new concept, and in fact, mausoleums have been in use around the world for thousands of years. Today, many cemeteries offer access to mausoleums, and you might also consider having a mausoleum built as a place for your immediate family to all eventually be entombed together.

Bodies in a mausoleum are entombed in a defined space known as the crypt. There are a few benefits to this, and the most obvious is simply that entombment in a crypt is cleaner and dryer than burial in the ground. Because mausoleums are buildings, they provide an enclosed space for visitors to come and pay their respects year-round. And, mausoleums typically use less land space than traditional burial plots do, making them a surprisingly eco-friendly option.

Finally, mausoleums offer a defined space that can be reserved for a couple or for an entire family—making it one of the best ways to ensure that you and your loved ones ultimately share the same final resting place and that it’s easy for future generations to come pay their respects.

If entombment in a mausoleum is something you’d like to consider, the best way to proceed is simply to reach out to your local funeral director to learn more about the options available to you.

What is Lent? The Meaning and Purpose of the Lent Season

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 10:04:23 GMT

Lent is a sacred period for Christians. It lasts for 40 days, beginning on Ash Wednesday and ending on Easter Sunday. Exactly how this time is used depends on the practices of each individual, but typically it is a time for things such as reflection, prayer, penance, giving, and fasting. Lent is a time to prepare one’s heart and mind for Good Friday and Easter and to remind Christians of the sacrifice made by Jesus Christ.

The word Lent comes from the Old English word “lencten” meaning springtime and from the German word “langitinaz” meaning lengthening. Lent is observed in the spring when days are starting to get longer.

Lent recognizes the 40 days following Jesus’ baptism when he went into the desert without food or water and was tempted by Satan. By observing Lent, Christians remember Christ’s sacrifice. Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ following his death on the cross and Lent helps Christians remember the events leading up to his crucifixion.

Fasting is a very common practice during Lent. Fasting is seen as a reminder of Jesus’ sacrifice. It can also be used as a time to connect more with God. But not everyone fasts in the same way. While some Christians may fast for the entire period, today most use this as a time to give up a particular vice as a form of sacrifice. Typically these are things like a favorite food or drink. And others may fast only on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday (the Friday before Easter).

Another common practice during this time is to give to others such as by donating goods to charity, giving money to those in need, or giving of one’s time to a special cause.

Christians do not believe that this time of repentance and sacrifice is done to earn favor with God, as Christians believe that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the only thing that has the power to save. Instead Lent is seen as a time to improve one’s relationship with God, accept his mercy, repent and grow as a believer. Spending time fasting and praying during Lent can make the Easter celebration more meaningful.

Help For Funeral Costs Related to COVID-19

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 09:57:06 GMT

If your loved one passed away from coronavirus (COVID-19) you may be eligible for a reimbursement of your funeral, interment or cremation expenses from FEMA.

Starting in early April, FEMA will begin providing reimbursement of up to $9,000 for funeral, interment or cremation expenses incurred due to a death from COVID-19.

FEMA considers COVID-19 to be a disaster and is therefore providing funds to help ease some of the financial burden on families during this time.

Many funeral expenses will be eligible for reimbursement, such as:

transfer of remains
casket or urn
costs related to arranging the funeral service,
use of funeral home equipment or staff
cremation or interment costs
cost of the marker or headstone.

These are just some of the costs that may be eligible for reimbursement. Many other costs may be deemed acceptable as well. You can call your funeral home to check what costs may be eligible.

If you plan to hold a memorial service in the future or have not yet purchased items such as a monument or any other funeral service/merchandise, you should plan to meet with your funeral home as soon as possible to start the necessary paperwork so that you can take full advantage of your FEMA reimbursement funds.

Even if we were not the funeral home you used originally, we are more than happy to help you with obtaining your FEMA reimbursement funds.

Fill out this form to download our FREE guide “Navigating Your COVID-19 FEMA Funeral Benefits”, to find out if you qualify for reimbursement.

OR Give us a call at 215-637-7373 we are here to help.

The Firsts You Don’t Expect

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:46:14 GMT

In our lifetimes we all have those special life changing moments, perhaps some with excitement and overwhelming joy. While some are met with heartbreak and tears.

We all anticipate a baby’s first step, first words and first day of school. We anticipate graduation from High School and College.

We plan on the bigger things like buying your first car, the joy of a wedding and the pride of buying a new home.

What about the other “firsts” that most people don’t necessarily like to think about? There are also many firsts after losing a loved one.

It’s those “firsts” that can seem like a mountain that you will never reach the top of. The first night of sleeping in your home alone, the first month of paying the bills on your own and especially the first anniversary of your loved one’s passing.

It is difficult sometimes to realize that some things will ever be the same after you lose a loved one. You may feel left out of your circle of friends because they may feel it will upset you to be around other couples. Unfortunately, they do not realize that their actions may actually be making you feel worse.

First, know that you are not alone; in fact, there are more people dealing with those “firsts” than you know.

Take a deep breath when you are having a “first” moment. Take a look outside and see the beauty of nature. It can be as simple as seeing a hummingbird or a dragonfly or a cloud formation. If you are so inclined: pray or meditate, turn over your grief and stress and sadness to a higher power.

Know that you are not alone in these feelings. There are so many others that are going through the same “firsts” with you. We are not just a funeral home, we are your extended family during your time of grief. Our website and office have several grief resources available to you and your family should you need them. If you need to talk about your experience, we are a phone call away.

Our staff is always here for you.

Defining Grief Vs. Mourning

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:42:23 GMT

After a loved one dies, you are likely to feel a complex surge of emotion. And in that time of grief, you may hear two words that sound similar but have different meanings. The words “grief” and “mourning” are often used interchangeably even though they have different definitions. Knowing the difference between grief and mourning can be very important to the healing process following the loss of a loved one.

The term “ grief ” refers to the internal thoughts and emotions tied to the loss of a loved one. Grieving can include many feelings such as disappointment, anger, guilt, sadness, or loneliness. Since everyone experiences grief differently, there is no right or wrong way to feel.

“ Mourning ” on the other hand is the outward expression of grief. Mourning includes things like funeral services, visitations, and wakes, graveside visits and services, and other memorialization efforts. Mourning can also include things like crying, journaling, singing songs, or telling stories about your loved one.

Grief is feeling sad or upset at the mention of a lost loved one’s name while mourning is holding a graveside visitation on the anniversary of a lost loved one.

Separating the two concepts can help make the grieving process a little easier. Mourning helps us contextualize grief. Mourning also gives you a way to work through the feelings associated with grief. A funeral or memorial service gives you an outlet to help you cope with grief. Grief may help you understand why you are emotional during a memorial service. Grief helps us move through loss.

Understanding the differences between grief and mourning can provide the tools needed to help work through your grief. When we have lost a loved one, most of us would prefer to ignore the feelings of grief. But research shows that doing so will only delay the healing process.

For many, mourning is enough to help them start to process those feelings and emotions and begin the healing process. However, for some, after something as painful and traumatic as losing a loved one occurs, more care is required. Our website and funeral home have resources available to help those who are coping with the loss of a loved one.

We are here for you … lean on us in your time of grief.

Six Strategies for Growing in Grief

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:39:47 GMT

The grief journey is a difficult one. But the good news is that you can use this experience to grow. Here are six ways to grow on your grief journey.

Recognize Your Own Strengths

This is likely not your first crisis or loss. Look back on other challenges you have faced and think about what strategies helped you then. Maybe it was having someone to talk to. Maybe it was your own resourcefulness. Your spirituality can also help you address your loss. It may be helpful to talk to those who share similar beliefs.

Focus on the Positive Bond

Even though your loved one is gone, it doesn’t mean they must be forgotten or replaced. They will never truly leave you. Instead, focus on your loved one’s legacy and the good memories you have. One way you can help keep their memory alive is by creating something like a photo album or memory box.

Change Negative Thought Patterns

It can be tempting to focus on negative things such as the tragedy of the loss of your loved one. However, it is possible to reframe the language surrounding your loss. Recognize when your negative thoughts are starting to take over and change your language. Focus on positive language such as the courage you are showing while you meet the challenges of loss.

Check in With Yourself

Take a purposeful look at your journey from time to time. Think about how you have changed. Ask yourself what new skills you have gained or what new insights you have developed. You might even want to keep a journal of your experience so you can see your progress.

Use Your Support Systems

The grief journey is a difficult one and you shouldn’t have to go on it alone. If friends or family offer support, take it. And don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help. Sometimes people want to help, they just don’t know how. If you don’t have friends or family to support you, consider joining a grief support group.

Stay Hopeful

Know that your grief journey will have ups and downs. And your life will be forever changed. But you can still find joy and happiness again. Think about your future and where you would like to be, and then make small changes to help you reach your goal.

Grief and Mixed Memories

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:35:33 GMT

When a loved one passes away, the relationship you had with that person affects your grief.

Relationships are not perfect, and even good relationships have their ups and downs. Grief can be made even more difficult if you had a strained relationship with your loved one. For example, the last few years of a marriage may have been more challenging due to the added responsibilities of caregiving. Parents and children may have had a conflicted relationship. Even though you loved someone, it certainly doesn’t mean that you were always happy with them.

A strained relationship can lead to more challenges in processing your grief. You may feel like you have unfinished business, things you wish you had said (or not said), or things you wish you had done differently. Grief can also bring up old memories that in turn can be difficult to manage.

Another issue is that friends and family may not know how to support you if they were aware of your strained relationship. They may not even understand why you are grieving the loss.

Or it’s possible that other people might not be aware of your strained relationship and in that case may not understand your conflicted emotions and difficulty grieving.

If you find yourself struggling with conflicting emotions, there are some strategies you can employ. You can write a letter to your loved one, expressing your thoughts and feelings that you didn’t get to say when they were alive. You can also try creating a memory box with mementos associated with positive memories. Or spend time with other loved ones telling stories about happier times.

If your memories are particularly painful and difficult to bear, consider grief support or counseling. It can be helpful to process your feelings with someone on the outside. No matter what, know that you do not need to go on your journey alone. Help is always available.

Supporting Grieving Family Members in the Age of Social Distancing

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:31:46 GMT

Supporting grieving family members is a difficult task and social distancing has made that task even harder.

However, this does not mean that grief and loss are taking a break. On the contrary, the fact that we are more isolated now means that it is more important than ever to reach out to and support those who are grieving.

Fortunately, there are still plenty of ways to show your support.

1) Help with funeral arrangements. Planning a funeral is a difficult task. If you can’t be there in person, you can still support your loved one in these decisions. If the decisions are made via phone call, offer to be on the call with them. Also, reassure your loved one that even though having a funeral service may feel difficult, it is still possible and even beneficial at this time.

2) Phone calls. Never underestimate the value of a listening ear. Don’t forget to call and check in frequently.

3) Video chats. If you have the capability, video chatting can be a great tool.

4) Have a meal delivered. If you can’t prepare food to take to your loved one during this time, you can contact a local restaurant to provide a food delivery.

5) Have groceries delivered. If you know their grocery preferences, place an order for them for delivery. Include easy to prepare meals in the delivery.

6) Schedule to have someone take care of routine tasks. There may still be services available that are doing routine tasks such as dog walking or laundry care.

7) Send a letter, email or ecard. Sending a heartfelt message is a great way to show your love and support.

8) Send flowers. Many flower delivery services are still operating and can safely deliver flowers to a loved one’s home.

9) Drop off a care package or have something delivered. You might be able to drop off some special items that your loved one appreciates or have them delivered.

10) Do something together “virtually.” So many places are providing free online content right now. Take a virtual museum trip together. Pick out a movie to watch together. Try out a new recipe together. Use a program like Facetime, Zoom or GoToMeeting to share your experience live on your computer, tablet or smart phone.

Mentally and Emotionally Surviving Grief

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:28:54 GMT

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Differences in Grief and Depression

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 11:23:06 GMT

When you lose a loved one, there are a series of emotions that can go through your head and it seems like those negative feelings may last forever. For many, their season of grief ends and they can return to normal life. For some that grief takes root and stays longer, yet for others they have even more issues healing from the trauma of loss.

In this article, we’re going to highlight terminology that sometimes gets used incorrectly. Grief is a feeling covering a wide variety of emotions that immediately follows the loss of a loved one. Chronic grief is a season of grief that continues on longer than is typically expected. Depression and depressive periods are periods of time where negative emotions begin to influence day to day life in unfavorable ways. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain leading to symptoms that look a lot like grieving but extend far longer than normal. Clinical depression is a medical condition that can only be truly diagnosed by a trained therapist. It can be treated with therapy and prescription medication.

Often times, grief looks like depression from the outside looking in. The two conditions do share many similarities like sadness, lack of interest in things that the person would normally enjoy and feeling distant and withdrawn from others. The key differences between the two are mostly time and severity. Most grieve for up to a year but some do not need that much time. Anything past a year is often considered to be a depressive period or episode. Severity is also an indicator of difference. If at any point in time the symptoms go beyond just sadness and being withdrawn to thoughts or acts of self-harm, threats of violence or extreme mood swings, then this a more serious issue. Only a trained medical professional can properly diagnose depression.

Grief is not the same as depression and clinical depression is not grief. Can the loss of a loved one exacerbate the symptoms of depression? Yes. Can depression make grieving more severe? Yes. But the two are not the same and knowing the difference can help you and those around you better cope and move forward.

Who Am I Now? Grief and Your Changing Identity

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 10:37:03 GMT

Most people don’t think much about their own identity and how it is connected to others until they experience a loss. Once a loved one is gone from your life, you being to realize that part of your grief journey will also involve adjusting to a new identity. You will likely feel confusion over who you are now that your loved one has passed on.

There are multiple ways your identity can change following the loss of a loved one.

1) Relational Identity – If you lose a child you may wonder, “Am I still a parent?” If you lose a spouse, you will lose that identity that comes with being someone’s life partner. If your loved one was ill, and you were the primary caregiver, you may find that it is difficult to shift away from that role. Or you may find that you have now become the primary caretaker for an aging parent because your other parent has passed on. No matter the change, you may find yourself wondering if you will be able to cope in your new role.

2) Professional Identity – Following the loss of a loved one you may have to relocate or change jobs. Or you may have quit a job to help care for your loved one if they were ill and now you are able to return to the workforce. Our professional identity is a huge part of who we are and changes in this area can have a huge impact on how we see ourselves.

3) Spiritual Identity – For some, the loss of a loved one may change their outlook on life, and you may find that your spiritual faith can shift or even disappear. You may question your beliefs. If your spirituality was a big part of your identity prior to your loss, this can be hard to cope with.

4) Financial Identity – The loss of a loved one can also change your financial situation. You may go from a dual-income family to being a single income family. You may have medical bills to deal with. Alternatively, you may receive an inheritance that you must decide how to manage.

While there are no easy answers, know that facing a changing identity is common. It will take time to really feel like this new identity is truly “you.” Try to embrace your new role. By accepting your new responsibilities and the challenges that come along with it, you may find that your new role brings you a new sense of joy and fulfillment.

Coping With the Death of a Parent

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 10:34:19 GMT

Most of us go through life expecting our parents to die someday. After all, we’ve known since we were children that people grow old and die. This is nature’s way.

Still, we’re never really ready to say goodbye to people who play such an important role in our lives. Our parents bring us into the world, nurture us through childhood, guide and support us as we grow, and perhaps remain our principal advisors well into our adult years.

If your parent has died, it’s only natural for you to feel consumed by a combination of pain, fear and deep sadness. You are experiencing grief, the difficult but necessary process that allows us to say goodbye. Grieving is how we begin to untangle the emotional bonds formed with someone who was very special to us.

Reactions to Losing a Parent

Grief is as individual as it is natural. How you grieve depends on a number of factors. Your relationship with your parent strongly influences the grief you feel, but so does your age, sex, previous experience with death and religious beliefs. Your parent’s age and whether or not you believe it was “time” for death will affect your grief. If your parent died suddenly, you may grieve more intensely than if death came at the end of a long illness that allowed you to prepare yourself for your loss. In short, no one can tell you how you will or should experience grief.

They are, however, common reactions to the death of a loved one, and you should expect to experience some of them. You may experience shock. If your parent falls victim to a sudden illness or accident, you may even deny at first that he or she has died. Almost without intention, you may blurt out, “No, they made a mistake. My parent is okay.”
Later, the initial shock may dissolve into numbness. You may feel that none of what is happening is real – as if you are just watching a movie. This does not mean there’s something wrong with you. Shock is nature’s way of insulating you, of giving you time to slowly accept what has happened.

Guilt and Anger

As the reality of death sinks in, you may become filled with anger. You may feel angry at the doctors or nurses who couldn’t save your parent, at the funeral director and at God. If you believe your parent’s death was caused by poor health habits or carelessness, you may even feel angry at him or her for dying and leaving you – and then feel guilty for this anger.

In fact, you may feel guilty for a number of reasons. You may believe you somehow should have prevented the death. “I should have insisted she see a doctor sooner,” you may say to yourself, or “I should have been there to prevent that accident.”

Even the closest parents and children disagree sometimes, and you may feel guilty for those arguments. Minor events that wouldn’t normally deserve a second thought can become stinging memories in the face of death. Perhaps just before she died, your mother asked you over for dinner and you were too busy to accept. While she may not have been at all hurt, in your mind you denied her last request.

Preoccupation

It’s common to become preoccupied with the parent who died. You may think about him or her constantly, recreate the circumstances of the death over and over in your mind, have dreams or nightmares about him or her – you may even think you see or hear him or her. Many people are surprised and frightened by the intensity of these reactions. Grieving people often wonder if they are losing their minds. It’s important to realize that, as bizarre as they may seem, these reactions are normal.

The mental strain of grief can take a physical toll as well. It’s not unusual for the bereaved to lose weight, have difficulty sleeping, become irritable or listless or feel shortness of breath. Grief has even been known to cause hair loss.

Secondary Losses

As the initial shock of the death fades, it’s common for bereaved children to slip into depression or to feel panicky. When a parent dies, you eventually experience “secondary losses.” You haven’t just lost a parent, but also an advisor, a role model, a friend. It’s not unusual for adult children to still seek a parent’s advice before they make large purchases or investments – after all, they have years of experience to draw upon – perhaps your parent was your counselor on child-rearing, relationships, cooking and health. For you and your siblings, the family home was probably the natural place for your reunions. Without your parent there to fulfill all these roles, you may suddenly feel alone.

Even if you were quite independent from your parents, you may still experience some kinds of secondary losses. If you are in your 20s or 30s, you may have hoped to someday make your parents proud of your career accomplishments. Now the parent who has died won’t see you fulfill those goals. You may also regret that your parent won’t see your own children grow up.

If you are older, the death of a parent removes a psychological buffer between you and your own mortality. As your generation becomes the oldest in your family, you may be nagged with the feeling of “I’m next.”

Telling Your Children

If you have children of your own, you face the difficult task of telling them that their grandparent has died. Depending on his or her age, a child may ask all kinds of questions. Keep your answers as simple and honest as possible. Don’t tell a child that Grandma is “sleeping”; the child may be afraid to ever go to sleep again. Don’t tell a child that Grandpa is up in heaven watching over her; while you may find this image comforting, your child may be terrified that Grandpa has become an ever-present spy.

Remember, your children need to resolve their own grief. They will take their cues from you, so give them permission to grieve by letting them see your own grief. Don’t try to “protect” them from the grieving process; and by all means, take them to the funeral unless they don’t want to go. They don’t need to understand for it to be beneficial to them. Keeping them home from the funeral may make them feel rejected.

Coping With Your Grief

How can you overcome the problems you face after your parent has died? First, you must recognize that grief is necessary, and that it is something you must work through; there is no shortcut.

It’s important that you ventilate your feelings. Take time to cry, and don’t be afraid to share your tears with other mourners. Talk openly with family members and friends. Express your anger if you are feeling it. Lean on your friends. They may feel awkward a while because they don’t know how to talk to you about your loss. You can help them help you by simply telling them what you need.

If you normally have a pressing schedule, try to lighten it. Remember, grief is mentally taxing; you don’t need the added strain of too much to do. Set aside some quiet times just for yourself so you can think about your parent’s death and put things in perspective.

If your other parent is still alive, talk with him or her and share your memories. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourselves laughing about the good times as well as grieving for your loss. Gently suggest that your surviving parent not make any major decisions for several months. A grieving widow or widower may sell the house or give away belongings, only to regret those actions later.

What if you can’t seem to handle your grief? There is no timetable for grief, so it’s difficult to say when a person needs professional help. If you are worried that you aren’t handling your grief, you might consider talking to a counselor. You may be relieved to discover that you are reacting normally.

If you believe you need help, ask your funeral director, clergyperson or doctor to suggest a counselor.